The Impending Ginger War

Transgender Gingers (say that 3 times fast) are a rare breed but Rebecca appears to be a good representation. His brow bone is magnificently large, almost as prominent as a monkey's. There's a slight chance that Rebecca may be the Ginger "missing link"... the link between orange furred rats of a million years ago and today's unholy sienna-headed humanoids. That may explain her gender confusion, those rats of the past were known to have two sets of genitals, Rebecca's parents just cut off the wrong set when he was a child. The third pic down looks like it was taken in a morgue and Rebecca seems right at home, is that armpit hair? She's just another piece of evidence that proves my theory that all Gingers are criminals... it's science, there's nothing I can do about it.

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Manzano, Rebecca J
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Race: White
Height: 5 ft 7 in
Weight: 120 lbs
Hair: Red
Eyes: Blue
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, North Precinct
Arrest Date: 9/1/2010 4:04 AM
Booking Date: 9/1/2010 5:40 AM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
FAIL PERF DOD PROP (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed
RECKLESS DRIVING (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed

A Tooth By Any Other Name

It must have been the sun reflecting on that bright tooth that blinded the officer which interfered with his ability to arrest Karla's husband. I don't blame her though, if I had a weapon like that I'd use it all the time, eternally blinding those sweet little Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons that knock on my door.

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Richardson, Karla H
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Race: Black
Height: 5 ft 8 in
Weight: 145 lbs
Hair: Black
Eyes: Brown
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, Central Precinct
Arrest Date: 9/1/2010 6:45 PM
Booking Date: 9/1/2010 7:03 PM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
INTERFER PEACE OFF (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed

Jail Scale

Only 21 years old and Jessica already has the skin of a 42 year old roofer. I'm sure there's a cloud of cigarette smoke that follows her around even after a long shower, her nickname at school was Pig-Pen and she's refused to watch Charlie Brown ever since. Her arm tattoo reads "Fear No Man But God," which makes no sense at all and is not an actual verse of the Bible. In fact, Numbers 23:19 says "God is not a man." She may have just as well gotten "Fear No Dog But God," since it means about the same and at least the word dog is God spelled backwards, a much better conversation starter. People seem to have a strange aversion to Jessica, the large girl in the second pic down looks so uncomfortable with Jessica headed toward her vagina with her tongue. You know you're disgusting when even a lonely fat girl is grossed out by your offer for oral sex. Oh and as you can see, that yellow M&M just threw up a little in his mouth. She's a 5.2 on the Jail Scale, I give Jessica less than a year before she's pregnant and is on the Maury Show trying to figure out which one of the 16 guys is daddy... Trey, you are NOT the father.

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Jensen, Jessica Christine
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Race: White
Height: 5 ft 8 in
Weight: 140 lbs
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, North Precinct
Arrest Date: 8/31/2010 12:01 AM
Booking Date: 8/31/2010 2:10 AM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
DUII (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed
RECKLESS DRIVING (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed

It's Only The Beginning

You think you're so damn clever don't you Whitney, I see red roots under that black hair. So I've been fighting this internal thought for months now but I realize that there is just too much evidence to ignore it any longer... All Gingers are criminals. I know it seems harsh, especially to the Gingers that currently have a clean record, but trust me, those Gingers are ticking time bombs, it's only a matter of time. From this day forward I will have a new category on the right side of the page for the Ginger element of our society and I fully expect that category to include the scariest and most dangerous of criminals. Whitney, you were the straw that broke the camel's back. I can't put it into words how everything about you creeps me the f**k out. How is it humanly possible to have a smile that is more gums than teeth? Has there ever been another person in history that failed to lose a single baby tooth, at what point will your adult teeth come in? Why does your aged and wrinkled forehead spontaneously leak blood? Has anyone actually seen you completely naked and lived to tell about it?

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Laduke, Whitney Lee
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Race: White
Height: 5 ft 9 in
Weight: 123 lbs
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Hazel
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, East Precinct
Arrest Date: 8/28/2010 12:44 AM
Booking Date: 8/28/2010 1:36 AM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
DISORDERLY COND 2 (B Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed
INTERFER PEACE OFF (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed

Jail Scale

Those tight black pants are not a good look for Jamecia, is it considered sexy in the hood to have a "front butt" now? I will give Jamecia some credit, it appears she was the only one with enough forethought to rub some lotion on her knees before going out, that's her in the white underwear/see-through dress in the middle pic. I can't be attracted to a girl in a wig, sorry cancer patients, there are just too many activities that I'd like to do with my girlfriend that might include some sort of hair movement... I guess we could equip Jamecia's wig with a tiny parachute if I wanted to try skydiving at some point but that seems like a hassle. Jamecia gets a ghetto 5.8 on the Jail Scale, there's something about feeling a girl's mustache bristling against my upper lip when kissing that turns me off.

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Orr, Jamecia Terraebony
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Race: Black
Height: 5 ft 8 in
Weight: 140 lbs
Hair: Black
Eyes: Brown
Arresting Agency: Troutdale Police
Arrest Date: 8/27/2010 7:39 PM
Booking Date: 8/27/2010 10:09 PM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
ASSAULT III (C Felony) $0 Disposed
OFFENSVE PHY CONTAC (U ) $0 Disposed

Opportunity Of A Lifetime

Little Timmy is looking for a roommate, but he has a few rules before you are even eligible to apply. Rule 1: No pets, unless you have a qualifying need such as blindness, depression, anxiety, or don't mind sharing your dog's meat during dinner. Rule 2: No criminal record, although Timmy is willing to make an exception if you are interested in murdering that as*hole, "Chipper" Chad, that lives in the box next door. That guy never shuts the f**k up. Rule 3: Good credit, if a bum can't handle his finances then he surely can't handle the responsibility of taking care of a beautiful cardboard home. Lil' Timmy said that if you he picks you, he will throw in a month's worth of newspaper, it's great insulation on cold Portland nights as long as it hasn't been used as toilet paper already.

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Funk, Timmy Joe
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Race: White
Height: 6 ft 0 in
Weight: 180 lbs
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Blue
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, North Precinct
Arrest Date: 8/27/2010 8:46 PM
Booking Date: 8/27/2010 9:15 PM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
ALCOHOL PUB PROP (U Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed

Gingers Raising Gingers

You can dye your hair Toni, but you can't cover up your trashy gingerness, it's oozing out of that scar on your chin. I love the idea of teaching your children life skills, but don't you think that instructing your 10 year old daughter on exactly where to shoot the drug dealer when you are robbing him might be a little mature for her? Yeah, me neither Toni, when do you start the lessons on "there's no such thing as too slutty"? The second pic down shows Toni at her best, she just graduated from Drug Court. That's the face of a woman that would kill her mother for another hit of Meth and by the looks of her mugshot, Toni's back on it, so someone better go check on her mother. Females rubbing each other's breasts can really be an attention grabber in most cases but when it comes to Toni and that troll on the pool table, I'd rather lose a few hundred in the lottery machine behind them than watch that unholy display. Ginger=no Jail Scale rating.

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Burke, Toni J
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Race: White
Height: 5 ft 6 in
Weight: 126 lbs
Hair: Red
Eyes: Green
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, East Precinct
Arrest Date: 8/27/2010 1:02 PM
Booking Date: 8/27/2010 1:59 PM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
COUNTY HOLD (U ) $0 Disposed

Jail Scale

Lashawn's genealogy obviously includes more races than an L.A. Walmart at midnight. She has the skin color of an Asian, the body of a Mexican, the head of a black girl, and white girl taste in alcohol. I'm not sure how I feel about that thing on her forehead, it's either a war wound from the fight she was arrested for, or it's one of the most amazing pus filled pimples I have ever laid eyes on. I want to lightly touch it. Lashawn just got onto Facebook for the first time about two weeks ago... that's perfect timing Lashawn, how else would I have judged you on the Jail Scale if you hadn't? I'll give her a 5.9, I don't think that's driftwood in the bottom pic, that's Lashawn's tail that just fell off. Don't worry though, lizards can regrow their tails within a month.

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Graves, Lashawn
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Race: Black
Height: 5 ft 7 in
Weight: 135 lbs
Hair: Black
Eyes: Brown
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, East Precinct
Arrest Date: 8/21/2010 3:58 PM
Booking Date: 8/21/2010 7:30 PM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
ASSAULT IV - DV (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed
MENACING - DV (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed
MENACING - DV (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed

Metz: The Final Solution

A clean-shaven and bespectacled ex-Dr. Mark was sentenced today to 18 months prison with 5 years post prison supervision, he will have to register as a sex offender for life. The prosecutor agreed to the lesser charge of Attempted Sex Abuse I so that the victim, a girl under the age of 14 that Mark knew personally, wouldn't have to testify in Court. I don't completely disagree with this tactic since there is no need for the victim to suffer anymore and Mark will be known as a sex offender for life.

Mark chose not to speak on his own behalf but his defense attorney stated a few supposed "mitigating circumstances." Considering the fact that Mark was a doctor, I figured he could come up with a better excuse than anti-anxiety medication, the attorney insinuated that the meds Mark was taking at the time may have caused some of his abusive behavior. I've worked in the field of anxiety for almost 15 years and have never once heard of anti-anxiety medications causing sex abuse, usually it's the opposite, it causes sexual dysfunction. Try again a*shole. Another interesting remark by the attorney was that Mark had apologized to the victim and the victim's mother. I think that's a great idea, we need to have all of the sex offenders in Oregon apologize to their victims for sexually abusing them, then the offenders wouldn't have to spend any time in jail, they said they were sorry so everything is fine now.

Mark's family, including his current wife, was in the Courtroom to support him and cried when the Sheriff's Deputy handcuffed Mark and led him away. Fascinating what humans are willing to believe, there is no such thing as a sex offender that abused one victim and then suddenly learned from his mistake, never to abuse again. When the victim is older, she will view Mark's wife and other members of his family as enablers for standing by his side even after admitting the abuse. The child is the one that needs the life long support, not the abuser Mark. The Metz is where he belongs now, I'm sure he will be continuing to uphold his Hippocratic oath by performing numerous mouth to penis resuscitations in prison. A doctor's work is never done.

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Metzger, Mark S
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Race: White
Height: 6 ft 0 in
Weight: 170 lbs
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Green
Arresting Agency: Portland Criminal Court
Arrest Date: 8/31/2010 1:20 PM
Booking Date: 8/31/2010 4:52 PM
Current Status: In Custody
Assigned Facility: MCDC
Court Case No. 100230374
Charge:
ATT SEX ABUSE I (C Felony) $0 State Prison Sentence

Ears, The Other White Meat

Rick is the Assistant Athletics Director for Portland State University. Is it any surprise that a guy with "loaded potato skin" ears has anything to do with athletics? I wonder if Rick is an organ donor, I bet doctors around the country can't wait to use his head as a contemporary file cabinet. I don't really think anyone that knows Rick is very shocked at his DUII arrest, Micks cry whiskey tears. In fact, Rick probably drives like an Asian when he isn't drunk, the officer should have just given Rick a shot of rum and sent him on his way. Taking another look at his ears, I wonder if Rick would let me chew on them a bit? They probably taste like pork rinds.

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Mcreynolds, Richard Gene
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Race: White
Height: 5 ft 8 in
Weight: 190 lbs
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Green
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, Other
Arrest Date: 8/24/2010 8:23 PM
Booking Date: 8/24/2010 9:48 PM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
DUII (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed
RECKLESS DRIVING (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed

Smell My Finger

Trying to one-up the Two Girls One Cup video is tough Steve, and I give you credit, but you don't even come close unless that sh*t is on your face and in your mouth. It's just not as shocking to see two gay guys do it, isn't this considered only getting to second base in the gay community?

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Sandknop, Stephen Benjamin
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Race: White
Height: 6 ft 0 in
Weight: 165 lbs
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, Central Precinct
Arrest Date: 8/24/2010 12:49 AM
Booking Date: 8/24/2010 2:46 AM
Current Status: Released
Charge:
DUII (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed

PotShot Exclusive, A Killer Among Us

Jon was famous many years prior to today, back in the 90's he was featured on an HBO special as well as the front page of every newspaper across the country. What exactly is Jon's, aka Dominic Holmes, claim to fame you ask? Jon murdered his mother by stabbing her 29 times outside of their home in Salem in 1994. At the age of 16, Jon decided that he would kill his mother so he brought a knife along as he and his mother left the house to go on a walk. On a gravel trail, Jon stabbed his mother in the back and then continued to stab her several times even after she had taken her last breath. Since this was prior to Oregon's measure 11 law, Jon was sentenced to MacLaren Youth Correctional Facility for 4 and a half years and was released in 1999 at the age of 21. Yes that number is correct, Jon spent less than 5 years for the brutal murder of his mother.

It was during his stay at MacLaren that Jon was featured on an HBO documentary called "Teen Killers: A Second Chance" in which the focus was on three youth inmates that had been entered into a rehabilitation program where they would deal directly with their crimes of murder on an emotional level and take responsibility for those crimes. Although Jon finally admitted to killing his mother once the judge in this case sentenced him to the 5 years, Jon was very elusive as to his motives. He and his mother had always been very close, she was a single parent when Jon was born and only began dating men once Jon was a teenager. During the filming of this documentary, Jon was asked to talk about sexual abuse that he had endured by a man that his mother had unknowingly introduced to him as a Big Brother mentor. At one point, Jon participated in acting out the murder, describing exactly what he had done to his mother the day of the killing. The program also supplied a stand-in for his mother and Jon tearfully apologized to his mother/stand-in for the crime. I watched the documentary several times when it was first aired on HBO and really felt that the MacLaren program wasn't doing much in the way of rehabilitation. Serious psychological problems that lead to murdering your mother do not just disappear, one's values might change as they get older and more mature but there still remains an underlying break with what most of society considers right and wrong. To a man that murdered his mother and was released after a short period in jail, committing the crimes of theft and fraud later in life does not seem that significant.

Jon and his girlfriend in the lower pic, Jamie Bacon, were charged with defrauding local retailers, including Nordstrom, out of more than $50,000. The information I received is that Jamie knew about Jon's past and yet continued her relationship with him. I love human ignorance, any girl that is OK with dating a convicted murderer has some personal issues of her own, which is why I decided to include her in this post. Is there any doubt by anyone reading this that Jon will continue his criminal behavior against a society that thinks that everyone deserves a second chance? I agree that in some specific instances, criminals can learn from their mistakes and lead a happy and productive life after committing a serious crime but it's very rare. Jon, you deserve to be in jail for the rest of your life and I just hope that Portland doesn't have to suffer another crime at your hands for others to realize this. Jonathan or Dominic, changing your name doesn't change who you really are...

Your friend,

Trey Starrs

Name: Coons, Jonathan D
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Race: White
Height: 5 ft 11 in
Weight: 190 lbs
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Hazel
Arresting Agency: Portland Police, Central Precinct
Arrest Date: 8/24/2010 10:15 AM
Booking Date: 8/24/2010 1:38 PM
Current Status: Released
Assigned Facility: PERM
Projected Release Date: Unknown
Release Date: 8/24/2010
Charge:
COMPUTER CRIME (C Felony) $0 Disposed
THEFT 2 BY RECEIVNG (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed
THEFT II (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed
THEFT II (A Misdemeanor) $0 Disposed

*KPTV's story on Jon.
*A synopsis of the HBO Documentary.